By Dr. Arnold Mahesan
Fertility SpecialistBeverly Hills Babies
Dr. Arnold Mahesan is a board-certified fertility specialist with extensive experience in IVF, fertility treatment, and gestational surrogacy. He is committed to helping intended parents navigate their journey with personalized care and expert guidance
Finding a surrogate means identifying a woman who is medically suited to carry a pregnancy and who wants to share the journey with you. Availability is only the beginning. A good match also requires practical readiness, compatible expectations and informed agreement on both sides.
You can work through a surrogacy program or, in some circumstances, explore a known carrier such as a friend or relative. Either route needs appropriate screening, counseling, legal preparation and medical care.
1. Know what you need before evaluating a match
Start with your embryos and family-building goals. If you do not yet have embryos, clarify the IVF plan. If you already have them, have the records reviewed. Think about location, your ability to travel and how involved you hope to be during appointments and pregnancy.
Preferences should be distinguished from requirements. A particular communication style may matter deeply to you, while an assumption about geography may be flexible once you understand how care will be coordinated. Being clear at the outset makes matching more purposeful.
2. Ask what screening has already occurred
The word screened can mean different things. It might describe an application review, a telephone interview, obstetric records review or a completed medical evaluation. Ask exactly which steps have been completed and which are still pending.
At BHB, I place medical evaluation before presenting a candidate as a potential match. I want the relationship discussion to begin after the important health questions have been addressed. There may still be updated testing or other clearance steps before transfer, and those should be stated clearly.
3. Discuss the relationship you both want
During a match conversation, talk about how often you would like contact and how you prefer to communicate. Discuss participation in appointments, privacy, travel, delivery expectations and the relationship after birth.
Also discuss prenatal testing and how unexpected medical information would be approached. The purpose is to identify significant differences early, with professional guidance. A contract cannot substitute for a candid conversation, and no agreement removes the surrogate’s role in decisions about her own medical care.
4. A known surrogate still needs evaluation
Trusting someone personally does not establish medical suitability. A friend or relative needs the same careful attention to her health, prior deliveries and readiness for the arrangement. Independent counseling can help identify obligations or pressures that are harder to recognize within an existing relationship.
5. Move forward in a defined sequence
After a mutual match, the remaining medical, psychological, legal and insurance requirements are completed. Only then should the transfer plan proceed with the appropriate clearances.
Before committing, ask who will coordinate each stage and who you contact when circumstances change. You should understand how the program supports both you and the surrogate, including if the match cannot continue.
Contact BHB to discuss your starting point and our approach to medically informed surrogate matching.
